Have you been sold a dream? 

A few years ago, a friend of mine came to me with a proposition to sell bottled water. The idea was to package regular pipe-water, and fetchingly label it “Weight-Loss Water.”  To this day, we continue to laugh about it. Often in response to any ludicrous remark she would offer the following quip, “If you believe that foolishness, then I got some weight loss water here for you.”

Chances are we have all been sold a dream at some point in our lives. As a woman, the most vivid occurrence I can recall is being asked that almost proverbial question, “Can I just put the tip in?” I don’t quite understand how I got sold that dream back then. As I take the time to reflect, I wonder, “how could that have made sense to you? What would be the point of getting just the tip? How could you trust that his perception of tip would be the same as yours…”

As we get older, dreams are a lot harder to decipher. As an adult, naïveté and ignorance are no longer suffice excuses. Frequently, it is our unyielding desire to see the best in the most compromising situations, and plain self-inflicted denial that are to be blamed. In relationships, for instance, perceptions can be the greatest culprit of contention. We sell ourselves a dream when the other party has made no such promises or demands. By no means am I disregarding the fact that there are schemers out there with ill-intent. This post is simply not meant to cover maleficient individuals.

At work we may be sold the dream of promotion. We are taken under the wings of our superiors/mentors and buy into promises of advancement. In work, the fear of losing security can pigeonholed us to a dream for years. The dream that your 80-hr work week will be cut down after this last project or that your travel time will be diminished after your second year at the firm. The dream that, that corner office has your name on it as soon as you prove yourself. Dreams often come without any definitive timeline. I have a friend who has been planning a wedding for almost 3 years, with the delayed promise of a marriage. When? I’m not even sure if her fiancé knows? If you have been promised anything that does not have definitive terms and or dates, then you have been sold a DREAM.  

Set limits for yourself. If he’s given you 3 reasons in a row why he can’t make it. Then it’s time to stop asking. Chances are he’s not interested and often out of not wanting to hurt you, he may instead get to some intricate dream weaving. If it’s been 5 projects since you’ve been hearing that your hours are going to be more livable, seek opportunities elsewhere and/or start giving some ultimatums. Self-preservation is the name of the game here. Sorry to bust your chops, but there will always be another you. If you don’t make it to work, things will still get done. If you’re not the girl, he’ll simply find another. No one can look out for you better than you can. The minute you start having those kinds of expectations is the moment you open yourself up to non-viable dreams.

As vivid as dreams may be, there is something that instinctively alerts us, “something is just not right here.” As we age in wisdom, it gets easier to decipher when things may not make sense. Learning to trust ourselves and heed our instincts takes a lot of time, even for those who proclaim themselves to be efficient decision makers. Listen to your inner voice. Often-in hindsight- we can clearly pinpoint the things that didn’t quite add up. Self development calls for the concerted development of insight. You can’t go through life constantly catching on to things after you’ve been mulled over. Trust your instincts. If it walks like a duck, don’t go fishing for the 17 ambiguous reasons it may actually be a dove.

There is no sound advice on how to be less gullible. The trick here is accountability and resilience. When you’ve found that you have been gypped in some way it is important to be constructively responsive. As hard as it may be, take accountability for the fact that no one can sell you something that at one point or another you were not willing to buy. That is not to say you were an idiot for buying into a dream. It simply means that there is hardly ever one party to blame in any situation. Pointing fingers does nothing but make the grieving process fresher and longer. As soon as the anger subsides take the time to interpret the appropriate lessons learnt and be resilient enough to carry this new information over into similar situations.

 Have you been sold a dream? Share your thoughts and advice with us.