In your twenties, society places no real expectations on your behavior. You’ve just exited your teenage years some 9 years or less ago, and you’re perfectly allowed to stumble your way through life. While twenty-somethings (most of us anyway) are no longer expected to suckle at the teet of our parents, by no means are we expected to have it all figured out. There is freedom in this lack of expectation. As young adults, the onus is solely on us to pave the way for the remainder of our lives.
Most media proclaim that your twenty’s are for having fun. Au contraire! Isn’t that what your whole life is for? Would you suddenly arrive at 30 and tuck your tail between your legs? There is no doubt that your 20s and 40s will perhaps enclose some of the best years of your life. That said, a lot happens in that second decade. By the time you get to 30 you would have been old enough to realize how quickly 10 years can pass by. Hopefully you would have also gained enough insight to acknowledge that every action or decision thus far has had rippling effects on your future.
One should not ascribe to notions proclaiming that any one decade is for having fun or for learning lessons. This is a sure fit way to end up broke and clueless. As a twenty-something, you’ll often come across older adults who share comments to the tune of, “I wish I had done/known that when I was your age,” or “you should learn from my mistakes.” You should listen. Your twenties are for self-development. By the age of twenty-five you should have- at the very least- some clue as to the kind of person you absolutely don’t want to be. This is your me-time, and for most of us the very last of our me-time. The way in which we live our lives in those 10 years has a rippling effect on the next few decades. Those who spend these years making informed decisions are sure to spend the next few decades a lot better off.
So what are your twenties for?
Making mistakes without being reckless. As you continue to age through life you would have meandered through your bad boys/crazy bitches phase. You would have had your heart broken at least once, and should have developed enough insight to recognize that a broken heart is survivable. You would have had your first car and blown your first few real paychecks on gadgets, car parts, clothes and valueless items. Eventually, you would have come to the realization that recklessness is pretty costly. Being reckless with our bodies can make us unattractive, in more ways than one. Drinking like a fish ages you, eating like a pig sets you up for future cardiology appointments and whoring yourself out like a skank….well we all know where that can take us. Being reckless with our hearts can make us unwarrantedly untrusting and makes it all the more difficult to share ourselves when the right person comes along. Lastly, being reckless with our money can make for a future plagued by debt and struggle.
Learning the lessons. By now, some of your friends would have come and gone. An important lesson to learn in your twenties is that everyone won’t like you, and that’s okay. The more you do to set yourself a part, the less cheerleaders you’ll have. Working towards something greater should not be impacted by other peoples impression of you. By now, you would have also learned that you can’t be friends with everyone and that some persons you once considered friends will no longer be deserving of that title. Guess what, that’s okay too. A life without expectations is one that is devoid of disappointments, but that is a life that is also devoid of living. Loving the wrong person is no indication that you loved too hard or too strong. It just means he or she wasn’t deserving. You only do yourself an injustice when the love you share with those who come after is stained with the residue of your past mistakes. Bitterness can cause you years of an otherwise promising life. The moment you learn the art of letting go is the moment you’ll decipher what truly matters most.
Being selfish. This is the time to pursue the bulk of your dreams. This is the time to see the world and fulfill your personal pursuits. Finding yourself should not haphazardly take place while you are otherwise engaged with a family or other priorities. Initially embarking on dreams during that time is selfish and undoubtedly takes valuable moments away from what matters most. If you have the means, now is the time to actively pursue whatever notions of self actualization you’ve set for yourself. If you’ve always wanted your Masters degree, when your 35 and raising three kids is not the time to do so. Not if it takes time away from your family and especially not if you are playing catch up with your twenties. Many of us have not been afforded stable homes that provide the means for an education and a formative start to life. There are more circumstances than I can cover in which life happens and it is not possible to pursue our ambitions in our twenties. There are others though, who despite the affordability live by the notion that their pursuits can be fulfilled at any given time. While this is true, if you spend your twenties meeting your ideas of self actualization, you will never have to face the potential guilt that comes with taking time away from what matters most.
Getting your money right. By 30 you should have invested in something. In addition to a typical savings and checking account, you should have responsibly made one major purchase (home, land, or car), and own one of these outright. You should have at least one means of generating income outside of your paycheck (investments), and established some funds towards retirement. Getting your coins together at an early age makes for a much easier life. By thirty you should have more liquid and fixed assets than you do debt. You should have good credit and enough saved to make a down payment on a home (if you have not already done so). Financial responsibility is perhaps the most important thing to acquire at this age. Money isn’t everything in life but it is more than necessary to sustain a great life.
Taking Risks. Now is the time to blow it all on a passion or a potentially lucrative endeavor. Most people get their act together in their 30s, so if you’re ahead of the game, now is the time to blow some of that savings on stocks and somewhat questionable investments. You’re young. Often, when we don’t have much to lose, things somehow manage to work out. If they don’t, and you’ve made enough of the right decisions (securing a bachelors degree for instance) you’re still young enough to start over.
Getting your life! It’s important to know and love who you are before expecting someone to love you. Its all the more important to do so before you become responsible for another life. Get your life together and seek a partner instead of a rescuer. Damsels are attractive at first but after a few years of dealing with troubling insecurities, poor decisions and reckless spending, it gets exhausting. According to the US Census Bureau, the median age at first marriage is 26 for women and 28 for men. According to McKinley Irvin Family law, the most frequently reported age of first time divorcees is 31 years old. With 50% of marriages ending in divorce, don’t be in such a rush to get married at 26, just to be divorced at 32. Finances and infidelity are the number one culprits of a failed marriage. Get your life together (especially financially) before you attempt to share it with someone else. Falling in love has no pre-requisite but marriage does. It takes more than two people being in love to embark on and sustain a future.
The Formula:
Live each day as if it were your last while being cognizant of the fact that its probably not. This warrants the delicate act of balance, and can take years to master. One easy way is to match your vigor at play with your vigor at work. Make no mistake your twenties should be enjoyed, not absolved with work. Play is very important throughout every year of your life.
Everything in moderation. Living the shit out of your life all in 10 years can lead to inevitable feelings of withdrawal when life gets real. Pace yourself in most every aspect of your life.
Constructively think of who you’d like to be in 10 years and be conscious of that vision. Think about that person with every decision. Ask yourself, “will this choice make a positive impact on where I’d like to be at 30?”
Make moves that will make you a far better person at 30 than you were a decade prior. The strides you have or have not made thus far will impact your roles as a spouse and a parent. If your ambitions include having a family, make moves that will prepare you to be the best spouse and parent you can be when the time comes. If you have emotional or financial issues, makes efforts to address them now, before day care fees and tuition planning become your norm.