woman-showing-jealous-friend-engagement-ring[1]A girl’s engagement is one of the most important things she would have experienced. Most women appreciate the thought and sheer resolve that a man deliberates when he chooses someone to be his wife. The love one must have, to tell the world, you’re not just his girlfriend but his family. The woman who will take his name (just go with me here, that’s a whole other topic). The name his mother most likely has, and that his father, and fathers father has. Surely, this sentiment would not be lost on a woman…

It’s all good to think that the sentiment of a proposal, does it all; much in the same way one may believe all you need is love. It’s just plain naive. And for those of us under the pretense that we are above societal norms, and endlessly plead to be above the conformations of the minions of this world, I say to you, continue to fight the good fight my friends. May you never be subjected to the donning of a pretensely conflict free diamond. May your three-man-show to damn convention be rife with opportunities for change. For those of you who have opted to go the old fashion route……do proceed.

So, just an FYI, but any old ring won’t do. Nothing trumps the sentiment of a family heirloom, but for those of us who aren’t poised to marry <enter first name here> <enter last name here> the III, IV, or V, chances are, he’ll have to shell out some coins. Now folklore states that just about 3 months of salary will do. Though we’ve more or less rid ourselves of that notion, expectations remain for one of the greatest gifts a man will purchase. You see, this ring is only partly for her. The other parts are divvied among friends, family, and acquaintances she pretends to be friends with.

A ring is a metaphor for a woman’s worth. Sad, but totally true. It says to everyone around her, “This is what I think of Marissa.” It’s the permanent materialization of just how much you care. That doesn’t mean the bigger the karats or the clearer the cut the better. It’s a measure of value, and that value is quantified by the amount of sacrifice made.

Real example: A surgeon who makes just about 325k a year purchases a ring for his girlfriend for about $1,800. Meanwhile, a man who makes 17k a year purchases that same ring. Withstanding the many circumstances that may influence these choices, one cannot deny the striking difference between these scenarios.

Another factor that influences a woman’s impressions, is her partner’s personal values regarding purchases. For example: two men make 75k a year, one is hardly willing to part with a dime and the other spends thousands on labels. Yet they’ve both purchased the same $2,000 ring. Chances are, it will mean far less coming from the man who spends more than that on a pair of shoes. The discussion of how much a gift should cost seems so distasteful. I mean, it shouldn’t matter. One should be greatful they’ve gotten anything in the first place, right? Sorry, but it’s just not this way, and despite the bitter taste this reality may have left in your mouth, it will remain this way.

Some women are seemingly far too concerned with the impression a ring has on those around her. So much so, that many women, particularly those who are financially secure, are purchasing their own engagement rings. This is sad for a myriad of reasons, but two most frequently come to mind. One, how devalued her partner must feel because his potential wife does not believe whatever he has or had to offer was or would be good enough. The other, that someone would have so little self-respect that he would perpetrate the facade that he has purchased this “good enough” ring.

It’s sad, that what someone else thinks, means so much that one would concoct this foolishness. To have first, picked out your own ring, purchased it, then run to your friends in that euphoric girlish daze and sell this lie is just awful. It saddens me that it’s becoming so common that I feel compelled to comment on the issue. It’s all about show.

The Formula

Know your worth, as both the man who aims to propose and the woman who hopes to be asked. A ring is a material representation of the value you see in your partner. This value is essentially immeasurable and the materialization of this worth should be purely influenced by intentions and at most, meagerly (cause were all human) by how you’ll appear. All most earnest women want is to simply feel that you went out of your way. Don’t buy a ring that took little to no effort to secure. A man who buys a ring to show he’s got it like that, or a woman who measures the quality of her ring by how many heads she’ll turn is too vain to be deserving of invaluable affection.

Purchase a ring that’s not only within your financial means but sensible for your future as a couple. Buying a ring with a credit card for any reason but to earn points doesn’t make any sense. To the woman who begs to differ, I assure you that in one way or another, you would have ended up contributing to payments for this ring. Starting your lives together with a decision founded on debt can be the beginning of a very rocky financial road.

Anything done in the dark, must come to the light. Ladies, stop buying your own ring. Be proud to wear whatever he has gone out of his way to get you. If and when his lifestyle improves, he’ll remember your humility and upgrade you accordingly.

Men the sacrifice and/or effort is what’s most valued and if it’s not, it’s not worth making said sacrifice. The decision to propose is most likely the beginning of the rest of your life with someone. Set the right tone. Making strides to secure your financial future will go much further than breaking your neck to look good now. In addition, no one knows where the road will end. Don’t spend 4 years paying for a ring you that outlasted your two year marriage.

What are your thoughts on engagement rings? Should this even be a discussion?