When I was younger, circa 25-26, I was all about building. Building a home, building a career, building a life, even building a man.

At that time I was somewhat more established than my then boyfriend and I was all about doing what needed to be done so that we could flourish as a team. Among several other things, this entailed, putting him on credit cards so that he could establish his credit.  When people would say, “I not putting no man through school….So mi can build him and him lef mi!” I would tisk and offer examples of friends who have made sacrifices in their relationships for their mate and are now reaping mutual benefits. After all, everyone grows and acquires at different stages in their lives.

In today’s world women are moving at a remarkably faster rate than men in a number of faculties, education and finances being two of the most prominent. As a result, it’s just not fair and in some ways of poor character to frown upon someone just because they’re not thriving at your pace. However, as one gets older, we do approach an age limit to the struggle. One arrives at an almost invisible border where the excuse of wutlessness reaches its expiration. Between the ages of 30 and 35, it’s not in anyone’s interest to date too high or too low. It’s just too much to expect that after a woman has made so many strides to establish herself and is now looking to start new chapters in her life that one would impose on her a sense of regression.   If you’re not meeting him/her half way, then their general feeling will be what’s the point.

No it does not make a woman who has her own a gold digger, just because she now wants to be with someone who lives alone, owns a vehicle and has good credit.


If you’re not established, take the time to love and build yourself up to the very attributes you are looking for in a partner. Get your bars up. This way you can complement, not hinder or leach off your partners’ brand.