The last time I had sex, it was a transfixing experience. We made love to the tune of rain drops ricocheting off his bedroom windows, staring into each others eyes and passionately, yet all so familiarly sinking deeply into each other. Shortly after this, I decided that if I am not going to be having sex with someone I love, then it ultimately made no sense. I was never one to climax that easily, and based on my almost masculine candor in casual-sex relationships, I often found myself on the end of some guys soon after claims to “be catching feelings.”

Celibacy wasn’t hard (take it from someone who has a serious white liver). The casualness of my previous encounters paled in comparison to the experience of love making, and so, upon setting my sights on caviar, the appeal of tobiko (the garnish placed on days old supermarket sushi) dimmed almost absolutely.  At first, I made generous use of my Brazzers account and the night time acquaintances tucked in my night stand drawer. But as time passed I found myself even less inclined to masturbate. I became more productive, driven to build my brand and get my coins up. I started my own business, completed my Phd program, and started this blog. I turned down several meaningless advances and committed to re-saving (mmhmm) myself until cemented in something meaningful.

Since making this commitment, several things have happened. I’ve gained about 35lbs, my patience for damn near everything has grown grossly thin, and the purposeful quest for this individual with whom I will share my life has dwindled my ideas of potential mates. In short, the last few months have proven especially frustrating. I have somehow been thoroughly immersed in the f**kboy population. More so than I even encountered in my teenage years. In addition, this nothing beyond second base lifestyle has not only left me consistently dissatisfied (as it turns out the foreplay force is not strong with many) but has somehow managed to cloud my better judgement when it comes to potentials.

I didn’t make it to three years. And in faltering, I still found casual sex rather vapid. Even at it’s best it simply pales in comparison to intimacy.


Abstinence is an individual choice and should be driven by no other influences than one’s own convictions. Friends often asked “how you manage,” “wah ya bother do that for.” It honestly just wasn’t that serious. I didn’t set out to prove anything or challenge myself in any way. I simply wasn’t getting anything out of casual sex. Been there. Done that. Bought the T-shirt.  When I did yield to a later temptation, though the sex was great (and I know many will argue it couldn’t possibly have been), I didn’t have any urge to reach for seconds.

So how did abstinence change my life? It didn’t. And it’s not meant to. It’s simply a personal choice some choose to make. A choice that should not be forced on any one. Some choose to wait, others don’t. At the end of the day I don’t believe either choice greatly impacts one odds of securing what they want. Just do you.

What are your thoughts on abstinence? Tell us your story..