35eefbff-7c62-4ee7-82dc-e4974f7a6accWe all eat lies when our hearts are hungry…..

What if I told you they sold men in grocery stores. Where would you begin? What store would you shop at? Which aisle would you go to? What brands would you select ?This is the last year of her 30s, my friend. She’s lived a typical middle class, suburban life; secured gainful employment, copped her own spot, dated to no avail, and now she’s exhausted. More than this, she feels defeated. Constantly wondering, “why not me?” “What am I doing wrong?”

In one of our frequent Sunday afternoon talks, I felt compelled to interrupt one of her rants.

“Everywhere mi turn, a one dog$#’+ after another”  she said, to which I replied,

“That’s not true, you just keep going to the supermarket hungry….”

“Huh?”

I then launched into this rather colorful grocery analogy, “You see, everyone knows you should make a list before you go to the grocery store but most of us don’t. That’s no biggy though. Chances are, that without the list, you’re gonna get home with at least half of the things you originally went to the store for. At best, you’ll have just enough so that you don’t have to go back right away.”

She listened keenly, offering “hmms” and bewildered, “okays.” So I continued,

“You ever go supermarket hungry? Wid no list…”

“Ye.”

“Wah happen?”…”You start pick up all sorta foolishness don’t?”

“Yup.”

“You made up your mind that you were going for milk and orange juice, but because you’re hungry, you pick up a bag a chips, a case a soda, or whatever two for one sale item that seemed too good to be true. Just one breed a things you don’t need, you can’t afford, and didn’t really want anyway. By the time you get to the register, the chips you take time eat off, hardly seemed worth it.” “Worst! You go home and you nah no milk or orange juice.”

When you go to the supermarket full, you’re almost 100% likely to stay on track, walking straight pass the distracting junk you would have otherwise eaten. When you go full, and with a list in hand, you are a discerning and tactical shopper. Cart filled with all the things you need, a few of the things you want (compromise) and money (time) well spent.

Formula

When our hearts are hungry, we eat the lies we tell ourselves. So don’t you dare  go shopping hungry. Fill your heart with love for self and the infinite others. Once its filled  with confidence and a sense of self, you wont ever have to worry about picking up people that are unhealthy for you, or worse, like a half filled bag of chips that only leave you feeling you empty and wanting something more substantial. Look to be complemented, not completed and your figurative list will be a keener one. One that immediately recognizes the parts in another, designed to make your heart fuller. Be discerning, not picky. Everyone does not deserve your affections, much in the same way every product does not deserve your dollars. In one of the cutaways from one of my favorite movies, “When Harry Met Sally,”  an older couple recounts a tale of how they first met. In it, the woman says, ” I just knew… I knew the way you know about a good melon.”  A lot of times there are behaviors, and even appearances that don’t gel with us but we choose to go along with a person. You hit the aisle, you see a basket of available fruits and you begin your immediate assessment, “this one is too young, not quite ripe yet,” “this one has a bruise,” “this one looks like it’ll spoil in a day or two.” By the time your done picking up and putting back, you get impatient and suddenly your able to find 2-3  that’ll do. That’ll dos are a lot of what people (men and women alike do) and a lot of times that’s just fine. But don’t be afraid to be discerning and patient, outside of dumb luck, that’s the only way to get a really good melon ;).