I grew up in a household permeating with pride and self-sufficiency. We were not to ‘beg’ anyone for anything. If ever we were in need or want of something, we were to approach our parents first. As I’ve grown into a young adult, I can’t seem to shake my upbringing. It absolute pains me to ask for things. If I do, my first and most prevalent priority is to swiftly return what I’ve received in its entirety or with interest. That said, I have several friends -as I’m sure you do- who don’t emulate those behaviors. Some will ask anyone for anything without stipulation, with no qualms for the frequency, amount or even the length of time they’ve known the person whom they are asking. That is a trait I admire in some ways. After all, one cannot expect to receive much without first having asked.

As kindnesses are exchanged there are untold expectations from either party. Regardless of ones preconceived notions, I Owe Yous from financially capable parties are often poorly received. Below is a rundown of some baffling behaviors of fully capable borrowers.

1. The Shorties. You’ve purchased tickets to a basketball game for you and 4 of your friends at 73.50 each. One actually gives you seventy dollars, two-ones, and 6 quarters. You refuse the change of course, because who accepts coins? Another gives you $70 because they only have a 5. While you can’t owe them a whole $1.50, they are quite  content with the thought of owing you $3.50. Another gives you $70, because he wouldn’t expect more so why should you? And lastly, the tried and true 4th friend didn’t have time to go to the atm so they’ll get the money to you. When? They didn’t say.

2. The Audacious. These individuals are brought up in the same or far better situations than you but chronically make poor financial decisions. Audacious borrowers may be your backpacking lifers whose ease of life in no way hinders them from flat-out asking you for absurd amounts of money. Fresh off their decision to damn the man and “eat-pray-love” their way through Indonesia, they listen as you complain about your 70-hour work weeks, then meekly ask you for a plane ticket back home. The audacious don’t often ask to borrow money, for there is no real intention to repay.

3. The Entitled. These guys are the absolute worst. They have somehow deduced that you are so financially capable that you have an abundance of expendable funds. This presumed fortune is automatically correlated with the idea that “money aint a thang” to you. As such, even though they owe you a generous amount of money, these people have no problem sharing their latest Michael Kors purchase with you.

4. The Bawlers. No, not ballers, I do mean bawlers. These guys have the potential to become closet millionaires. Despite their strict saving habits and progressively well paid jobs, life is somehow always so hard for them. Bawlers won’t blatantly ask you for handouts but they sure as shit won’t refuse them either. On a planned night out on the town, these are the people who -upon arriving to the club- can’t believe the drinks are so expensive. As a result, they’ve opted to just chill and watch everyone else have a good time. This probably won’t sit well with you and before you know it, in the spirit of everyone getting ‘turnt up,’ you’ve bought his drinks.

The Formula

If you give/lend with the best intentions you will be rewarded in one way or another; so don’t spend too much time crying over spilt milk. If you are on the receiving end, remember, it is not up to any one person to decide whether or not they need to repay someone in their entirety. One should never assume that because $5 is nothing to you, that it is also nothing to the person who is owed (regardless of their financial capabilities). If someone has shown you a kindness repay them. Money is never an issue until it becomes one. Be responsible and you can avoid one of the most common culprits of a failed friendship.

For those who are most often in the position to lend, the solution comes down to a simple “once bitten, twice shy” mentality. Do not be discouraged from kindness because you have been burnt. Simply do not extend that kindness to those persons again. Though it may appear confrontational it’s also best to let your friend(s) know you don’t appreciate their behavior. Another grief-saving principle is to never lend or spend money you cannot afford to do without.

If you cannot spare $20 without needing it by the allotted time it was promised, then you cannot afford to lend it at all.