Denial can be a very tricky thing. It offers a tried and almost indistinguishable sense of security.
I identified this trait as my most frequently tapped defensive mechanism. Having the insight to recognize this, I have often found myself second guessing my resilience. I’d bounce back so quickly from painful instances that I’d have to ask myself, “Are you sure your okay?” “Have you really given yourself the chance to feel this through?”
That’s not very easy for most persons to do. The false sense of betterment that denial provides is so quickly welcomed, that most of us would rather pretend we’re okay than feel things out. This is unhealthy and inevitably leads to compounded hurt. Five years ago, a friend of mine was terribly hurt by a young man. He more or less debunked her self esteem and provided her with no sense of closure. As time passed, she slipped into a euphoric sense of denial and since then has gone on as though all has been fine. Having not gotten a sense of what took place in that relationship, or taking the time to heal from it, she’s been walking around with a scabbed wound. Living a life filled with distractions.
Recently, she experienced a pretty bad break up, quite similar to the pangs she went through before. However, because she never quite dealt with what took place in her previous relationship, the devastation of this dissolve is even greater. She is now dealing with ‘rejection’ from two parties as opposed to one, leading to unjustified notions of self-blame. She has rationalized herself to be the common denominator and thereafter assumed, “I must be the problem.”
These feelings can lead to a grossly devastating feeling of defeat; of nothingness; and finally of emptiness. One can find themselves making efforts to recover from several issues instead of their present despair. Imagine, for a moment, the darkness that comes with having your heart ripped out of your chest. Now imagine-if you possibly can- feeling that twice-fold.
Formula
It is so important to experience life. To truly take the very best it has to offer with the absolute worst. Allowing ourselves to live in the great moments is fruitful in itself, but this practice also prepares us for the harder times. In moments of melancholy, we are thereby enabled to reflect on the good things life has to offer and the precious moments we may waste by locking ourselves away from it.
When we cover things up, instead of dealing with them head on, we’ve left something unresolved out there. It’s only a matter of time before that ugliness revels itself. Good and bad times are inevitable; and chances are you will experience the same pangs more than once. Denying your feelings is only a delay of what’s to come. It only festers the hurt and can also lead to some detrimental scars. Scars that close us off from potentially meaningful experiences.
Deal with things head on, no matter how hard it may be. Otherwise, you just may find yourself unable to recover some day.