Last night, a guy friend who accompanied me to a local Bachata class, ran out into the pouring rain to get my car. He then drove it up onto the curb of the estabishment to ensure that myself and two other young ladies did not get wet. The girls gawked at what a gentleman he was and how he could teach some of “these boys” a thing or two.  I asked, ” why do you say that?” To which they replied, “Most of the men we know would have said the cars right there, lets just make a run for it.”

It brought me back to a conversation I had with the same guy just about a week prior. He offered that he didn’t know my type and that it seems I don’t too date Jamaican men. I said I do, but that Jamaican women have lowered the standards so much, in terms of the things they are willing to accept, that you can’t even blame the men for this almost rampant cheating mentality. I added, in today’s world, you no longer have to lie to some of these women (no ethnicity considered) about your relationship status to get them to sleep with you. I’ve also heard too often, “that men will be men; as long as him nuh embarass me or bring nuttin to mi yawd.” I told him that I was no longer as open to dating in an environment that applauds and deems men covetous for things that should be considered basic.

I said all a Jamaican man, and in many cases a black man, needs to be cut above the rest is a car, a house, and an education. In fact, I have never been in a conversation with an interested gentleman who didn’t preface as quickly as he could with, “I’m an educated black man. I have my own car and/or my own place.” I added, “and it’s our fault, because we’ve been stigmatized to believe that these things are so uncommon in our community.” THESE ARE BASIC THINGS. I’ve grown tired of the gentleman who presses the alarm on his BMW so I can “subtly” know the kind of car he drives.

He then asked, “So wait, are you calling me basic?”

“Not at all. But these are basic prerequisites of dating a woman who has her head on her shoulders.” We shouldn’t be enamored by things your supposed to be doing anyway. You should be concerned about having so much more to offer (in terms of character and servitude) than your place, your car and your degree. And as black women, we need to understand that while these are accomplishments to be proud of, they’re not as uncommon as we have been lead to believe. We set the bar for how men behave in so many ways. If we lead someone to think they are a rarity, then soon they’ll be deemed a precious commodity and of course, thereafter  eagerly sought out.  We need to redefine the qualities that make someone precious. There was a time that chivalry was basic, not something that set men a part.

It shouldn’t be such a siting to see a man run out in the rain to get your car.

The Formula

Lets redefine our basic needs and at the same time raise the bar on our perceptions of what we deserve. A man driving a luxury car is just that; just a man driving a luxury car. You don’t know who’s name is on the lease, if it’s owned or if it’s borrowed. Don’t be frightened over silly things. A house, a car, and education bear no equivalent to chivalry, sincerity and integrity. Honesty and thoughtfulness are priceless. Demand more! And in so doing, demand more of yourself as well. It is near impractical to request of any man something you cannot offer in equal measure.

Are women of other ethnicities less impressed with the things black women are? Or is it all just bullocks?