Sometime, around 1776, after a few revisions and anecdotes, Thomas Jeffersons’ declaration of indepence stated three unalienable rights to which every human being was entitled.
Verbatum, the declaration reads,
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
Centuries have passed and liberty still eludes many Americans, but that’s not what this post is about. This post is about the pursuit of happiness. A pursuit that has become so elusive today, that self-help editorials have amassed audiences upwards of tens of millions, eager to find their happy.
Happiness and what it ought to look like has been shoved down our throats in recent decades. We’ve become softened by the inadequacy of life’s prior struggles. We have a far way to go, but things in general have improved so much that we take for granted the things those before us had to fight for. So much is the “ease” of our day to day that we can spend concerted amounts of time on vanity and false opulence, on prom slayage and things we cant afford.
We have become a society in pursuit of other peoples ideas of happiness. We are so clouded by other people living out their dreams that we have somehow tied their aspirations with our own. He has a nice car, wears fancy suits and women flock to him. He looks so happy. I’m sure if I had the money for a nice car and fancy clothes, I wouldn’t be lonely anymore. It’s not true. Jamaicans having a saying that goes, dont watch me, watch yourself. It essentially implies that one shouldn’t look to someone else to decipher their sense of worth. Don’t worry about what I’m doing over here, focus on what yoy have going on. It’s simple but great advice, especially in a time so heavily saturated with us watching what everyone elae is doing. Constantly watching people can facilitate a pretty vapid existence. An existence that digs a pit of emptiness in us and fills it with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.
We are so overstimulated with media that tells us what to do and want that we have lost the ability to decipher it for ourselves. We are so plugged into the matrix that free thought in itself is a warped, unwelcomed form of rebellion. A woman not wanting children is weird. An ambitious man with no interests in home ownership has no ambition at all. A couple in a long term relationship with a disdain for marriage is living a lie. Any personal decision, not in line with other popular decisions, becomes socially unacceptable.
We are in a time where everyone is drinking the kool-aid of living their best lives. Only, few are living their true lives. Few are fulfilling their life’s purpose. Everyones’ best life looks precisely the same. It’s filled with trips to Thailand, sunday brunches and lit VIP nights with sparklers atop bottles of champagne. It’s bikinis with exposed, perky apple bottoms on island sands. It’s one hustle after another and a zoomed in view of the latest jays.
All of the above are wonderful and all of which are perfectly fine… if they’re honest. If they make you feel unfleetingly happy and are truly what you want and not what you think looks good. If your happiness requires approval or validation from anyone but you, it’s not real.
The Formula
Dont go broke trying to look rich. And while I mean this in the literal sense, it is far more important that you not go emotionally and mentally broke, trying to look emotionally and mentally rich. Take the time to decipher the things and persons who bring you true unadulterated joy. Resist involving other people (whether literally or as references) in that decision. Think 5-10 years ahead to the person you want to be. Are the things you’re doing now contributing to the best version of you in the future? Will the future you be financially secure, or did he waste too much of his money doing it for the gram? Will the house you want to buy with the mortage for 3 times it’s value be worth it to you or your family once it has been paid off. Will it have equity 5-10 years from now? Will being like all your home-owning friends really be worth its value to you and your family in the long run? Will your current hustle be as lucrative to you in 10 years, as climbing up in your organization now and becoming vice president. Why do you want the things you want? Challenge yourself to question the things that drive your ambitions? Will these things really matter in the long run? Ask yourself always and in everything, is this really what I want? Can I afford the money or the time on this, or will this subtract from the things I really want out of life? You only live once, is not the same as you gonna die tomorrow. Balance your decisions. It doesn’t make sense to deprive or delay joy in hopes of a promising future. But that doesn’t imply going broke and overindulging simply because tomorrow isn’t promised. Tomorrow always seems to show for the broke and overindulgent.
The lit nights, fancy shoes, and entreprenurial dreams are all great, they really are. Lord knows, I like nice things and irresponsible nights. But do they you happy? Are you doing them for you? Are they at the cost of your future. Having the time or money to spend, is not the same as being able to afford someone or something your precious time or money. If something doesn’t feed your dreams or your soul, don’t do it. Explore the things that really move you, the moments you don’t want to end, the people and things that make you happy. Build a life that’s influenced by you! Create a life of wonderful experiences (#CALOWE). Be admired, not envied.