Books like 50 Shades of Grey have put sadomassochistic behavior on the map. While many of us still don’t enjoy heightened levels of degradation, there are parts of us that want to feel dominated in some way. For many, this comes in the form of dirty talk. The occasional whose <insert private part here> is this! the take this <insert private part here>, and random name calling are the norm in any healthy sexual relationship.

Choking seems to be making its way into pillow talk quite a bit. Many women are now conceding to enjoying the occasionally hand around their necks. As it turns out, women enjoy the strength of a man. The display of vigor is an instant turn on to the average warm blooded female, during sex is no exception. A more than gentle hand around the neck, and the simultaneous thrust have been shown to excite many women. Choking adds a certain intensity to sex for both parties. Men lose control and feel a great sense of domination while women yield to their innate sense of submission. With each thrust a mans intensity increases and so does the pressure he applies. A lot of trust is typically necessary to engage in derogatory acts with our partners. Your partner needs to feel safe and free of judgement. 

Believe it or not there is a wrong and right way to choke a woman. Choking is more or less meant to pin your partner down. So when a girl is on top, it just doesn’t make sense. She’s already breathing heavily and hopefully making a concerted effort to ride you. It just doesn’t make any sense.  Also, though I don’t know what the actual goal of chocking is; I can assure you it’s not suffocation. Getting carried away can only go so far, it’s important to be somewhat gentle. Imprints and bruises are no fun to explain, not for her and certainly not for you.

Choking is another one of those taboos that’s becoming more and more popular. Though the word “stop” should be enough, even in a trusting relationship, it can be a little confusing. There are many times your partner may say stop and as soon as you do, it’s followed with, “why’d you stop?” Remember to decide upon and use your safe words.